Consequences of Abuse

I first used drugs recreationally when I was 14. I first quit, when I was 43. Then I discovered Rx, and my new "clean date" is May 1st 2002. I was 46 when I discovered that I was still using. Back in 2000 I was really doing good, until I allowed my disease of addiction to manifest in the form of smoking cigs. Duringthe month before I was to be one year clean, I was smoking two packs a day easy. I was also working in a dream job, making $14 an hour for chatting on the phone. Then I made one year clean, and the very next day I began coughing up blood. That was a Sunday, and I went to the emergency room, where I was trated and released. Then I was coughing up handfulls of blood, and when I went to the emergency room the second time, they eventually placed me in ICU, and I was in danger of losing my life. I recently [posted I was feeling bad, and i was. About three weeks ago, I noticed I was coughing up fresh running blood again. This lasted several days, and then upon visiting my primary care giver, I was coughing less and less. This is my consequence for using crack, and smoking cigs like there was no tomorrow. Next week I will have two and one half years clean from any mood or mind altering substances. I'm beginning to understand the nature of my disease of addiction more everyday.

When I am forced to face the physical and emotional consequences that I have I am sometimes faced with issues I often refuse to admit. I want to live life as before, but I must daily admit my disease, which is cunning. Acceptence of my boundries and limits is the the most important aspect of my disease today.